it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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