There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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