Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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