and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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