im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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