we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
