he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sext me about skeletons
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
