he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
