Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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