We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
