a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
