Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
