Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My liver just had a heart attack.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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