i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
