i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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