u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
