He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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