If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
