i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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