So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
