She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
