you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
