okay pat passed out under dana's car
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
