We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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