it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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