TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
