The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
