you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you will always have a special place in my vag
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
