I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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