You're so nebulous sometimes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
