all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
