He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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