remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
