Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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