I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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