Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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