I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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