im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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