So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
