i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
