Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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