I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
