I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
