I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
