If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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