Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
