anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
