I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
