My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
