He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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