If i come over, it means nothing
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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