Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
