well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
