i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
