i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
