Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
