I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
