made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
