Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So vagazzling was a success
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
