Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
