When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
