went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
