Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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