the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
