She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
