what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
