I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
