1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
